Viikon vitsit


Two women are walking down a street in New York city, on an extremely hot day.
- I almost can't stand it, one woman replied. I wonder if it would be cooler if we took off our underwear.

Two blocks later, they are still pondering the thought of removing their underwear.
I wish there was someone we could ask", the other woman says.

A couple of blocks later, they glance across a street and notice a big black woman sitting on her porch, legs spread open, no underwear and eating a huge watermelon.
Let's go ask her, one woman states.

They walk across the street and approach the woman.
- Excuse me, but my friend and I are contemplating taking off our underwear because it's so hot, and we couldn't help but notice that your not wearing any. Can you tell us if it's any cooler?

The black woman replies: - I don't know if it's any coola, but iz sure keep dem flies off my watermelon

Permanent erection

There once was a man with a permanent erection. Try as he might, he couldn't get it to go down.

Finally he went to his local pharmacy, where he encountered a female pharmacist.
- I'd like to speak to a male pharmacist, he said.

The woman replied: - I'm a professional. I run this pharmacy with my sister, who is also a professional. Anything you can tell a man, you can tell us.

- Ok, he said. I have a permanent erection. What can you give me for it?

- Hmmm, she replied. I'll go into the back and confer with my sister.

After a minute, she returned to the counter and said. - We'll give you $25,000 and half the business.

Jed and Luke

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.

When the farmer answers, she says to him:
- Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?

- Well, drawls the farmer. You can stay here, but I don't want you meson' with my sons Jed and Luke.

She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. - Okay, she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little hot just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says:
- Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?

They say: - Huh?

She says: - The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.

Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says: -Luke?
Luke says: - Yeah, Jed?
Jed says: - You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?
- Yeah, says Luke, - I remember.

- Well, do you care if she gets pregnant? asks Jed.

- Nope, says Luke. - I reckon not.

- Me, neither, says Jed. - Let's take these things off.

Valheen synti

Pastori lopetti saarnansa kertoen seuraavan sunnuntain saarnassaan käsittelevänsä valheen syntiä. Sitä varten hän kehotti kaikkia lukemaan ennalta Markuksen evankeliumin 17. luvun.

Seuraavana sunnuntaina hän kysyi saarnansa aluksi ketkä ovat lukeneet Markuksen evankeliumin 17. luvun. Noin puolet seurakuntalaisista nosti kätensä.

- Teille minun pitääkin puhua. Markuksen evankeliumissa on vain 16 lukua.

Aiempien viikkojen vitsit voit lukea täältä.