Viikon vitsit - Jokes
21.12.2001
Chinese Private Detective
A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report: MOST HONORABLE SIR: YOU LEAVE HOUSE.
I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE. NO FEE, CHEN LEE
Day Before Christmas
Author Unknown It´s the day before Christmas
And all through the house
The puppies are squeaking
An old rubber mouse. The wreath which had merrily
Hung on the door
Is scattered in pieces
All over the floor. The stockings that hung
In a neat little row
Now boast a hole in
Each one of the toes. The tree was subjected
To bright-eyed whims,
And now, although splendid,
It´s missing some limbs. I catch them and hold them.
"Be good", I insist.
They lick me, then run off
To see what they´ve missed. And now as I watch them
The thought comes to me,
That theirs is the spirit
That Christmas should be. Should children and puppies
Yet show us the way,
And teach us the joy
That should come with this day? Could they bring the message
That´s written above,
And tell us that, most of all
Christmas is love.
Definition of Copyright
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right. If however, your copy fallht your copy. If you write religious services you write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you write. Very conservative people write right copy, and have the right to copyright the right copy they write. A right wing cleric would write right rite, and has the right to copyright the right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making the right rite copy right before the copyright can be right. Should Jim Wright decide to write right rite, then Wright would write right rite, which Wright has the right to copyright. Duplicating that rite would copy Wright right rite, and violate copyright, which Wright would have the right to right.
500 Penguins
There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck breaks down. After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours he waves another truck down and offers the driver $5,000 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day the first truck driver arrives in town and sees the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking single file behind him. The first truck driver jumps out of his truck and says, "What´s going on? I gave you $5,000 to take these penguins to the zoo!" The second truck driver replies, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we´re going to see a movie."
Bussissa
Bussissa oli ahdasta. Vanhus sanoo nuorelle tytölle: - Istu vaan syliini. Olen jo niin vanha mies, ettei tunnu missään. Tyttö istuutui hymyillen, mutta hetken kuluttua mies sanoi: - Voit taas nousta, en minä niin vanha olekaan.
Selitys
Pikku-Kalle tulee koulusta kotiin ja kysyy äidiltään: - Ä minä olen tullut? Äiti hermostuu u kysymyksestä pahanpäiväisesti. Lopulta hänen ei auttanut muu kuin kertoa koko totuus aina sukupuoliyhteydestä alkaen lapsen syntymiseen. - Voi juku!!, Pikku-Kalle ihmetteli. Meidän luokalla on yksi poika, joka on tullut Keravalta.
Hammaslääkärissä
Niemelän herrasväki pyyhälsi sisään hammaslääkärin vastaanotolle. - Se kipeä hammas on alkanut märkiä, rouva Niemelä ilmoitti. Meillä on kiire, niin se pitää vetää pois ilman puudutusta. - Tehän uhrea nainen olette, hammaslääkäri kehaisi. Näyttäkääpä sitten se hammas. Rouva Niemelä kääntyi miehensä puoleen: - Pentti, aukaise suusi...
Ekaluokkalainen
Ekaluokkalainen, isona insinööriksi haluava Jussi itki tien laidassa. Paikalle osunut ohikulkija kysyi, mitä tämä itkee. - Kun ei tule yhtään autoa! - No mitäs itkemistä siinä on? - Koulussa opetettiin, että tien yli saa mennä vasta sitten, kun auto on ajanut ohi.
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