Viikon vitsit - Jokes

 30.3.2001

Taxi

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to?" he stammered.
"Union Station," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"

"Well ma´am, I noticed that you´re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you´ll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does *THIS* answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"

Trucker

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says,
"I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"

The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies,
"Listen sweetheart, I ain´t horny, I´m homesick

Old MacDonald had a...

Two icehockey players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week.

The exam was "fill in the blank" and the last question read, "Old MacDonald had a_____."

Bubba was stumped - he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passeprofessor wasn´t watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder:
- Tiny, what´s the answer to the last question?

Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn´t noticed. He turned to Bubba and said:
- Bubba, you´re so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM.
- Oh yeah, said Bubba, I remember now.

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered:
- Tiny, how do you spell farm?

- You are really dumb, Bubba. That´s so easy, hissed Tiny, farm is spelled ´E-I-E-I-O´.

Eduskunta

Bjarne Kallis puhuu eduskunnassa alkoholin vaaroista ja aloittaa puheensa:
- Mikä se on, joka murtaa moraalin, murskaa perhe-elämän, saa äidit unohtamaan lapsensa ja isät perheensä, aiheuttaa riitoja ja väkivallantekoja...?
Välihuuto istuntosalista:
- Kyllä sen täytyy olla Antero Mertaranta!

Mies oli jättänyt vanhan, ruostuneen pyöränsä Eduskuntatalon eteen. Poliisi tuli hänen luokseen ja sanoi kohteliaasti:
- Et voi jättää pyörääsi tähän. Tänne tulevat kansanedustajat ja muut sellaiset.
- Otan riskin. Onhan pyörä lukittu.

Kuten tiedetään, Eduskunnassa puhutaan viisauden sanoja. Tästä keskusteli kaksi valtiopäivämiestä.
- Mitä sanoit eilisessä täysistunnossa?
- En mitään.
- Tiedän kyllä. Mutta mitä sanoja käytit?

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