Viikon vitsit - Jokes

 8.5.2001

Letter from Grandma

I got a letter from grandma, she wrote:

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I´m glad I did!

What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. And I didn´t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn´t honked, I´d never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I´ve never met anyone from Hawaii; so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing. Even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is whd changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared; so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma

Parisuhteita

Naisääni soitti poliisiasemalle:
- Tulkaa heti, kaikki koruni, turkkini ja rahani on viety. Lisäksi näyttävät ampuneen mieheni.

Rouva vuorineuvos säpsähti illalla outoihin ääniin ollessaan yksin kesähuvilalla. Pimeydestä kuului vain:
- Älkää pelätkö, rouva. En halua muuta kuin rahanne.
- Ahaa, tervetuloa vaan, taidatte olla mieheni lakimies?

Aviomies palaa odottamatta kotiin ja huomaa puoliksi poltetun sikarin tuhkakupissa.
- Mistä tämä on tullut, hän mylväisee.
- Kuubasta, vastaa möreä ääni kaapista.

Rikkaat lesket ovat ainoa käytetty tavara, joka menee kaupaksi priimana.

Nainen tarvitsee elääkseen neljä eläintä: leopardin päälleen, jaguarin alleen, orin sänkyynsä. Ja aasin, joka maksaa kaiken.

Tuore isä odotti hermostuneena synnytyslaitoksella. Kohta nuori, kaunis kätilö tuli miehen luo kantaen kaksosia.
- Oi mikä tarjoilu! Otan keskimmäisen, vastaa tuore isä.

Hääpäivä

Vanha aviopari vietti kultahääpäiväänsä. Paikallislehden reportteri oli mukana juhlissa ja kysyi jossakin vaiheessa aviomieheltä:
- Te olette nyt olleet naimisissa 50 vuotta. Mikä teitä henkilökohtaisesti eniten viehättää avioliitossa?
- Toisten miesten vaimot, pappa vastasi.

Avioero

Käräjäoikeuden käsittelyssä oli avioerotapaus. Tuomari kysyi mieheltä:
- Miksi te haluatte eroa?
- Koska vaimoni kohtelee minua kuin koiraa.
- Miten se ilmenee?
- Hän vaatii minua olemaan uskollinen.

Kerro kaverille

Kolumnit

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