Viikon vitsit - Jokes
14.6.2001
Eye Catcher
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?", he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" The man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said,
"I´m about to have dinner. There´s plenty; would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said,
"I´ve had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No", she replied, "only with those who catch my eye."
Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, he did the same tricks over and over again. One problem: the captain´s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once the parrot understood, she started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it´s not the same hat! Look, he´s hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn´t do anything. It was, after all, the captain´s parrot. Then the ship sank. After swimming for a few hours, the magician found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared malevolently at each other but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another, and then another. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could restrain itsive up. What´d you do with the ship?"
Riita
Ruotsalaismiehet olivat riidelleet ja toinen oli ovella lähdössä ulos. Hän pyllisti sitomaan kengännauhojaan ja pieraisi samalla mahtavasti.
Siihen toinen sohvalta:
- Turha niitä lentosuukkoja enää on lähetellä.
Kaupassa
Poika oli isänsä kanssa kaupan jonossa. Heidän edessään seisoi huomattavan ylipainoinen nainen. Poika huudahti:
- Katso isi, tankki!
- Ei noin saa sanoa. Nainen vilkaisi paheksuvasti ja poika näytti katuvaiselta. Samassa naisen puhelimeen tuli tekstiviesti ja poika pelästyi:
- Isi varo! Se peruuttaa!
Ja muuta hauskaa
Mitä eroa on Italian hallituksella ja mafialla?
- Toinen niistä on järjestäytynyt. Lentokapteeni ja lennonjohtaja olivat hyviä kavereita. Kerran kapteeni kotikentälle laskeutuessaan päätti vähän leikkiä. Hän sammutti koneen valot ja kysyi: - Arvaa kuka?
Lennonjohtaja jatkoi leikkiä. Hän sammutti kiitoradan valot ja kysyi:
- Arvaa missä? Suomi-Filmin dramaattinen loppuratkaisu:
- Tauno oli Ansassa. Mistä tunnistaa, että on formuloiden pääsiäisajot?
- Trullikin on mukana.
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Pääkirjoitus
